Unconditional Happiness Meditation: Finding Contentment Beyond Your Feelings [Episode 59]

EPISODE TRANSCRIPT

Something that stands out for me is the distinction around what I would call absolute happiness, or unconditional happiness, and relative happiness, or conditional happiness, on the other side.

You see, it's natural for us human beings to want to feel good. It's natural for us to want to be happy, and to be having events in our lives that we're happy with, that we feel bring us joy. To have relationships that bring joy, and to be doing activities that are fulfilling and enriching, and to generally have an experience of positive emotion.

That's all very natural to want, and to pursue. It's natural for us to not want to have misfortunes that cause unpleasant feelings and make us feel bad, or have people attacking us or harming us in any way that causes pain and suffering. So it's all very natural for us to operate at this level, navigating life and being guided a bit by our emotional responses to things.

This basic operating system drives so much of the whole human endeavor. It really drives a lot of our technological progress and innovation. It's a driver. So I'm just saying, that operating system, navigating life that way, is all very natural.

In the Dharma, in spiritual teachings, enlightenment teachings like these, we're not saying that should go away entirely, or not be part of what drives humanity forward. It's not like, that's the bad one, and we're going to the good one.

Why Spiritual Awakening Requires a Different Relationship to Feelings

So, I guess the thing I want to say is, spiritual awakening, the spiritual path, and spiritual practice by their nature have to step out of that operating system. It takes us into a different relationship to our feelings. That one continues to operate, but in our spiritual quest, we need to discover a different relationship to all of it.

This is where this idea of absolute happiness, or unconditional happiness, comes in. Because the point is, no matter how enlightened you are, you will still have these ups and downs of relative happiness, contentment, and unhappiness.

In other words, events still happen in your life. They still trigger emotions of all kinds: negative emotions, positive emotions, comfort, discomfort, happiness, sadness. Those poles continue to exist. The vicissitudes, the ups and downs, continue to happen. You feel them all. But your awakening, your enlightened consciousness, is happening on a completely different level than all that.

Meaning, in other words, it's not another peak in that relative spectrum. If we think, well, what would my orientation to spiritual enlightenment be? I want that peak experience to just stay and become a plateau, with no more dips, no more valleys, no more negative experiences. And that's my Holy Grail of my spiritual quest, where I come to the peak, and I stay at the peak.

Awakening Beyond the Peaks and Valleys

But it's sort of like, no, we're awakening to a context that just isn't involved in the peaks and valleys anymore. Or let's say you're awakening to a part of you that's unaffected by those ups and downs, maybe that's a more precise way to say it, a dimension of consciousness.

This is the domain of what I'm calling absolute happiness, or unconditional happiness. It means you're discovering a fundamental goodness and a fundamental positivity, wholeness, fullness, completeness, and radical, ultimate contentment, a happiness that isn't dependent upon the ups and downs of feeling at all. It's not affected by them.

How This Realization Changes the Way We Meditate

So then, how does that radical realization or discovery guide us to practice when we're doing these meditations? Basically, we're taking the position that the ups and downs don't matter. In reality, in the deeper reality of who and what I am, who and what reality is, the universe is, the ups and downs of my feeling states don't matter at all. They don't touch it.

So I can just let the ups and downs happen, and not pay a whole lot of attention to them, not try to fix that. We're not trying to fix that level, maybe that's a way to say it.

I'm sure some of you experience this. You sit down to do this meditation, and okay, I'm becoming aware of my feelings, I'm letting my feelings be here, and it's kind of like, even on a very subtle level, we're doing that because we want to feel good. So we're like, okay, I'm going to really do this practice, but even behind it all, it's like, well, I'm doing all this so that ultimately I'm going to feel those really good spiritual feelings, I'm going to have that really good, even feeling, I'm going to have that absolute happiness where I feel good.

Anchoring in Wholeness Instead of Chasing the Peak

But who wants that? Which part of you is doing that? It's the part that's still in the old, more basic, primitive operating system that says, I just want that peak, and I want it to stabilize in the peak experience.

As opposed to, well, the peaks and valleys are inevitable, and will always go on, but I'm anchoring myself in something that is not part of that peak and valley, up and down experience. I'm anchoring myself in an inherent goodness, wholeness, fullness, completeness. I'm anchoring myself in that.

And it doesn't matter what I'm feeling, really, because feelings just come and go, and they just change. They're just reactions to life experiences, and I don't need to do anything about them. So of course, I can make room for my feelings. Of course, I can let my feelings be. Of course, I don't need to make meaning out of my feelings, or judge them as good or bad. Because I'm no longer seeking that peak. I'm here for what is.

Finding Fundamental Contentment That Doesn't Get Shaken

This can really liberate us from that sense of being caught in the cycle, being driven by the strong engine of emotional power that tends to power so much of our existence, for good or bad. It can liberate us into a kind of fundamental contentment and happiness that remains, even when we're extremely frustrated about something on a personal level. Or even when we're shocked or stunned at somebody's behavior towards us, and whatever else, it's not rocking us, it's not touching that fundamental evenness.

GUIDED MEDITATION

I want to invite us into meditation now. So you can just ease into your meditation posture.

Allow yourself to take the radical position that how you're feeling right now, emotionally, does not matter. Meaning, it's just fine. How you're feeling right now is just fine. Even if it's terrible, it's just fine, and it doesn't need to change. The point is, trying to change your feelings, trying to live your life in a way that will lead to positive feelings, isn't bad or wrong. It's just not what we're doing when we're doing spiritual practice, and it's not what our spiritual work is about.

Since you're meditating, this is a spiritual pursuit, a spiritual practice. So in the context of your spiritual pursuit of awakened consciousness, how you feel emotionally is irrelevant, from that point of view, in that context. Because you're not trying to change how you feel, you're not trying to get to a certain emotional place. So it's okay, you can just leave it alone, you can just let it be. How I feel is neither here nor there. My current emotional state is totally fine, perfectly...and it would be fine whatever it was. It's not where I'm looking. It's not what I'm trying to change.

You can just let it all be. Let your feelings be. No need to change them. No preference for one feeling over another, is another way to look at it. No preference.

You're allowing all of your feelings right now to be present. You're dropping your defenses against feeling, so you can fully feel whatever you're feeling, with no need to do anything about it, no need to change it.

Notice how when we're meditating, there's almost always a subtle desire to feel better that's driving the meditation.

Whatever else we might be doing in our meditation, behind it all there's this desire to feel better right now that's steering our meditation, steering it away from unpleasantness, steering it toward positive feelings and experiences.

This practice is about letting go of that steering wheel that's trying to steer us toward the positive feelings, away from the negative feelings. All feelings are fine, and equally acceptable. And most importantly, how you feel right now is totally fine. It's not an obstacle to meditation or awakening. So you can completely let it be.

MEDITATION BELL

Allow yourself now to gently ease out of the meditation.